Do you every find yourself doing the same things over and over again, but nothing changing? Do you feel like you are running in circles?
Don't feel bad. We find this happens often for parents. Mindfulness can be thought of as the act of being present in the moment. In order to be present, I have to understand what's happening in the moment, how I am feeling, how I'm reacting, how others are reacting, how I am influencing the moment, and so much more. Sounds easy right?
ABSOLUTELY NOT! Would it be helpful if we could unemotionally react in a fully present manner? YES YES, it would be! But its not realistic at this time. Until you are able to reach that extend of mindfulness, here are three tips on what to do, when what you are doing is not working.
(1) Take a step back. It is important, that If we know that something is not working, that we take a step back to TPE. Think, Plan, and then Execute. What you do not want in that moment is to do something you will have to apologize for later. When we let our emotions, frustrations and reactions come out, we give another person a flaw in ourselves that they can focus on if they choose to point the finger later on. Though mindfulness is difficult, it is important to know yourself well enough to know the appropriate moment (before escalation) to remove yourself for some TPE time!
(2) Consider Something Different: Away from the problem, think.... The tactic I've been using to try to stop my child from engaging in certain behaviors...
Is...
It...
Working....
If the answer is yes, well then you've got this! But ask yourself, does it work every time? Is the behavior going down in time?
If your answer is no to any of these answer, then consider something different!
(3) Has anything worked in the past? Away from the problem, ask yourself this question. Has there every been a time when this situation, or something similar has occurred, and it was able to work well?
If the answer is yes, then consider, what was different about this time? Was it your tone of voice, the way you stated something, the other people who were around, or the fact that maybe no one was around.
If something works, then I'd encourage you to do more of this. It may not be exactly the same, but maybe you'll notice something, such as: "Whenever I speak in a specific tone of voice, steady but firm, my children are faster at responding to my demand..." If so. Try it out and use the next inappropriate behavior as an opportunity to work on developing effective parenting skills that work!
About the Author
Daisy Monterroso, M.S
Ms. Monterroso has worked with a diverse population for over 8 years. Daisy finds her passion in assisting families manage behavioral concerns, reunify their connections and encourage parents to feel empowered and confident when parenting. Daisy has a Bachelor of Science in Psychology from University of Florida and a Master of Science in Mental Health Counseling from Nova Southeastern University. Daisy is currently pursuing a Doctorate in Marriage and Family Therapy at Nova Southeastern University.
Daisy founded Monterroso Integrative Services, INC to provide the community with quality ABA services that focus on providing unique services for the family as well. She has brought together a team of professionals that share her passions and devotion to helping families. Daisy has experience in behavior analysis (ABA), individual psychotherapy, couples counseling, family therapy, life coaching and parent coaching, while working extensively with families struggling with their children’s behavioral concerns, anger concerns, aggression, school-related concerns, motivational issues, and social skills deficits. She believes each person in the family has an integral part in treatment and works extensively with parents to help develop skills necessary to increase compliance with their children. She has found that supporting parents has been the most successful way of encouraging change in a family’s home. With parent training and parent coaching, Daisy provides a strength-based approach to empower parents to develop the skills to help them be the parents they desire to be.